Understanding the Hidden Reality
I have worked with many women in addiction, and the majority of them will look like you and I.
Women trying to juggle many things, and perhaps showing some signs of weariness, but not wearing obvious signs of ‘addiction’ on their sleeve. Alcohol addiction is one that we see more often discussed, and slowly the stigma has been decreased due to ‘celebrities’ sharing their personal stories, and the media looking favourably on recovering alcoholics.Â
However, women who are addicted to cocaine are less talked about.
For many people, cocaine still carries an outdated image, loud clubs, late nights and youthful excess. The UK has one of the highest rates of cocaine use in Europe, with around 2–3% of adults reporting use in the past year. Support services in the U.K say there is an increasing number of women, particularly mothers, turning to the drug. This increasingly also includes women in their 40s and 50s who appear outwardly functional.
From Party Drug to Coping Strategy
For some women, cocaine begins as a coping strategy rather than addiction, a way to boost energy, confidence or sociability during a time of emotional and physical pressure. Cocaine is seen by some as a ‘party drug’, which really undersells its harmful grip on individuals. I have been to parties or events when it has been obvious that a few individuals are indulging, and it is politely ignored or acknowledged with a knowing nod. Some of you will not have experienced this, but may have worried about your teenagers being lured into ‘trying it out’ with their friends and seeing it as a ‘cool’ vibe to do a line. There is an allure around cocaine of the promise to ‘get high’ to change how we feel and escape from life, even just for a short time.
The Emotional Roots of Dependence
Midlife often brings intense demands: careers, ageing parents, children leaving home, menopause, relationship strain and fatigue. Cocaine can offer temporary relief, but when it starts masking distress, its role changes. Addiction is never anyone’s aim, but it can insidiously creep into taking hold, going from a ‘once in a while’ activity to a ‘need’ to be able to function.
Gabor Mate, my favourite trauma expert, says wisely,
‘Addiction functions as a mask. It conceals underlying pain and unmet needs’.
This is so true when you listen to highly functional users who feel a strong reliance on cocaine to feel confident or escape loneliness, anxiety or low mood.
Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help
The drug goes straight to the brain’s reward system, rapidly increasing dopamine and producing feelings of confidence and a false sense of control. However, after repeated use, the dependence can increase, and attempts to stop can be met with emotional crashes, poor sleep and anxiety. Although around 1.9% of women in England show signs of drug dependence, many more experience harmful patterns that remain hidden through casual use, and as a result, some women become trapped in silence about what is really happening to them. It seems often they can’t ask for help for fear of judgment, internal shame and the threat of professional consequences, often keeping them from speaking openly about their use.
Addiction is still seen as a stigma, but it’s not about being weak or being irresponsible; it’s about being in pain and using drugs as a way to self-medicate. Often, women choose alcohol as it’s more socially accepted, but cocaine is more easily hidden. It does not mean that the pain is less; it means that, whatever the substance we are using, it is often better to try to ‘struggle on’ for many reasons rather than ask for help in the first instance.
If you recognise yourself in this article, ask yourself gently: Am I using this to cope with life? Am I hiding it? What am I trying not to feel? If you have a partner who seems to gravitate to using cocaine, and you are worried, don’t lecture, but ask the questions: is there something that they feel they are struggling with, and listen. Likewise, if you have teenagers or young adult children, try the same approach, but don’t use anger or judgment, as this will only cause them to be less honest and increase the feelings of shame.
Healing Starts With Support
As with any addiction, always seek support, and this can be found through many sources, but don’t try to face it alone, as addiction is already a very lonely place.
Below are some resources if you need them, or in case you have loved ones or friends that you want to signpost to getting support.
UK Support & Resources
• NHS Drug and Alcohol Services – speak to your GP
• FRANK (0300 123 6600)
• Mind UK
• Narcotics Anonymous UK
• Private therapy with a registered psychotherapist (BACP Directory)
A Final Thought
Cocaine may be hidden in the guise of the cool party drug, but what often goes unspoken is why people turn to it in the first place. For some women, it becomes a crutch during a time of complexity and pressure. But beneath the crutch is a woman doing her best to cope who is deserving of our understanding, support and compassion — not judgement.Â
Remember, we are stronger together!
