Let’s talk frankly about orgasms. If we are honest, how many of us have faked orgasms during sex?
Have you been there – mid-act, feeling more ‘’meh’’ than magic – and suddenly find that we are putting on a ‘hopefully’ convincing performance, to bring it all to a climatic ending. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Studies in the UK show that 68% of women admit to ‘faking it’ during sex at some point – and not just once. That’s more than half of us deciding that pleasing someone else matters more than our own pleasure !
So why do we fake it ?
Partly, we fake it to protect egos. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. We don’t want to ruin the mood or make them feel inadequate. Sometimes we’re tired, and should have said no. Sometimes we just want it over, as it’s just not doing it for us.
And sometimes – if we’re really honest – perhaps we’ve never believed our pleasure is as important as theirs.
But faking it does more harm than good, it teaches your partner the wrong road map to your pleasure. It disconnects you from your own needs and desires. It reinforces the idea that ego matters more than your experience. And it denies you the deep, beautiful connection you deserve – with them and yourself. There’s a myth that as we age, our sexual pleasure – like our eyesight – inevitably fades. That somewhere between menopause, and mortgage freedom, we are supposed to pack away our sensual selves, and focus on ‘tasks’ & keeping life on track.
But here is the good news, it doesn’t have to end at this:
Orgasms can get better with age and that’s why taking a lead in your own pleasure is something to embrace.
For those of you who might need a nudge in this direction, I would suggest you watch the inspiring, and honest portrayal of a woman in her sixties in pursuit of an ‘authentic’ orgasm. In the movie, Good Luck to You Leo Grande, Emma Thompson plays Nancy, who realises she’s spent her whole life pretending – saying all the right things, but never letting herself truly feel anything. Following the death of her husband, she finally decides to prioritise her own pleasure, and embarks on a journey of sexual and sensual self-discovery. After watching this movie, you can’t help but be in awe of her courage to find herself, and live a more sensual and connected life. Perhaps Nancy’s bravery in pursuit of sexual pleasure and her successful defiance of her self-doubts around ageing, are the most powerful take away from the movie.
Your sensual and sexual self isn’t something you ‘’grow out of ‘’
If anything, you can grow into it. Your body may have changed but be proud of it and reconnect with it. When was the last time you stood in front of a full length mirror – naked – and really looked at yourself ? Not to critique, but to admire and appreciate your body that has carried you through these years. Every curve, line and scar or stretch mark tells your story – and it deserves love. The evidence that we as women want to stay sexually alive, is endorsed by surveys by Relate and other UK studies that suggest that two-thirds of women regularly give themselves orgasms. Many of those surveyed said it was more satisfying now than it ever was in their 20s. And that’s the point: pleasure has no sell-by date. You’re allowed to want it, expect it, and enjoy it at any age.
So how do you embrace your pleasure and fully enjoy what your body and mind together can offer?
❤️ Love & Accept Your Body
Your body is amazing, it have been through puberty, it may have been through childbirth, been going through menopause or finally out the other side, maybe a serious illness or trauma, so congratulate and love it for being there with you every step. It’s your body, and be proud and celebrate its’ triumphs.
❤️ Re-Claim Your Sensuality
Don’t forget what makes you feel good. Sensuality isn’t just about sex. It is about celebrating the joy of feeling fully alive in your own skin – noticing and enjoying tastes, scents, sounds, & touch. It is yours to define, and so make a conscious effort to heighten all your senses.
❤️ Allow Your Mind
Being able to relax, and start feeling rather than thinking, and your body will follow where the mind allows it to go. The brain is the most important sex organ, according to Esther Perel (Author of ‘’Mating in Captivity’’), and the mind has to be fully be able to let go to allow pleasure to take over. Read erotic novels, indulge in your fantasies, and think sexy to feel sexy.
❤️ Get the Glow
Post orgasm there is a boost of blood flow, delivering oxygen and nutrients to your skin for that unmistakeable ‘afterglow’. Wear that glow with a knowing smile and you will feel a million dollars.
❤️ De-Stress & Feel Vibrant
When you orgasm – whether partnered or solo – your body releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals, including oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine. These happy hormones help to lower the stress hormones like cortisol, protecting us also from premature ageing. Regular orgasms help us to regulate our hormones, calm the nervous system and improve circulation – all helping to us looking and feeling more vibrant.
❤️ Be Playful
Whether you are partnered or indulging in ‘solo’ pleasure don’t forget the sex toys, there are many on the market and don’t just stick to one choice. They range from clitoral vibrators, rabbit vibrators, suction & air pulse toys, G-Spot vibrators and more. If you are new to sex toys start with a clitoral vibrator and if you are more experienced or adventurous you may already know what hits the spot.
❤️ Lead the Way
By knowing what gets you feeling sexually heightened take the lead in being able to show your partner what takes you to a better orgasm. If you are having solo pleasure, enjoy exploring and enhancing your orgasm.
There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows and enjoys her body
It is time to own our ‘O’ !
Remember taking lead in your own pleasure is not selfish, it’s not indulgent. It’s not something you ‘grow too old to enjoy’. It’s vital. When we feel connected to our bodies and our desires, it lifts our moods, boosts our confidence, improves our health – and reminds us that we are still gloriously, unapologetically alive. It is time to own our ‘O’ !
