Loving Ourselves as We Age: Finding Beauty in Every Chapter of Life

When did getting older become something we were supposed to be ashamed of?

It’s a question I’ve found myself thinking about increasingly as I move through my forties.

Everywhere we look, we’re bombarded with messages telling us how to stay young. Anti-ageing creams, wrinkle-reducing treatments, filters that smooth away every line and advertisements promising to turn back the clock.

We’re encouraged to embrace our natural beauty, yet simultaneously told that the natural signs of ageing are something we should be fighting.

And quite frankly, I’m getting a little bored of it.

I don’t want to look 21 again.

I’ve already been 21. I’ve lived that chapter, enjoyed it and moved on to the next.

What I want now is to feel strong, healthy, confident and comfortable in my own skin.

And after a rather wonderful weekend in London, two completely different encounters reminded me why that’s so important.

Finding Beauty Beneath the Streets of London

Last weekend, I found myself wandering through London’s famous Leake Street graffiti tunnels, one of my favourite places to discover incredible street art.

On a previous visit, I’d been captivated by a beautiful piece of artwork depicting an eye.

There was something about it that made me stop in my tracks. The detail, the expression and the way the artist had managed to capture so much through something as simple as an eye.

So imagine my excitement when, on my latest visit, I spotted the artist himself creating another incredible piece.

His name is Abraham, and naturally, I couldn’t resist stopping for a chat.

Originally from Salvador, Abraham explained that much of his inspiration comes from people and the beauty he sees in them.

His work is about bringing people to life through art, celebrating their individuality and capturing something of their humanity.

He told me that when he first began creating portraits, he was particularly drawn to depicting children, young people and older generations.

As he travels and develops his work, he continues to return to those early inspirations.

What struck me most was the way he spoke about the people he paints.

There was no conversation about perfection, flawless skin or looking younger.

It was about people.

Their faces. Their expressions. Their individuality.

And it made me wonder why we can stand in front of a portrait and admire every line, shadow and detail, yet look in the mirror and criticise those very same things about ourselves.

When did we stop seeing the beauty in faces that have lived?

The Problem Isn’t Our Faces. It’s How We’ve Been Taught to See Them.

I’m in my forties, and I quite like my face.

There. I’ve said it.

I like my laughter lines. I like the little changes that have appeared over the years. I like that when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who has lived.

A woman who has laughed until she’s cried, raised children, overcome challenges, made mistakes, fallen in love, experienced heartbreak and created memories.

My face tells a story.

And I don’t particularly want to erase it.

Yet society seems determined to convince women that ageing is something to be avoided at all costs.

We’re constantly surrounded by images of impossibly smooth skin, youthful faces and carefully edited versions of reality.

Even the compliments we receive reinforce the idea that younger is somehow better.

“You don’t look your age!”

How many times have we heard that?

It’s usually intended as a compliment, but why is looking our age considered something negative?

Why can’t a woman simply look fantastic at 40, 50, 60 or 70?

Why does her beauty have to be measured against how much younger she appears?

There’s also an impossible contradiction in the expectations placed upon women.

We’re encouraged to age gracefully, but heaven forbid we actually look like we’re ageing.

If we embrace our wrinkles, we’re told we’re letting ourselves go.

If we choose cosmetic treatments, we’re criticised for trying too hard.

It sometimes feels as though women simply cannot win.

But perhaps the answer is to stop trying.

To stop measuring ourselves against somebody else’s idea of beauty and start appreciating the faces looking back at us.

Skincare Isn’t About Turning Back the Clock

Later that day, I found myself having a completely different conversation about faces, this time during a skin assessment at Kiehl’s.

And what a brilliant experience it was.

I’ve always enjoyed looking after my skin.

I have a facial every month, I use serums and moisturisers, and I enjoy experimenting with different products.

I’ve even explored making my own botanical-infused oils, learning more about the plants around us and how they can be incorporated into simple self-care rituals.

But I’m also a busy woman.

I like things that are quick, easy and practical.

I’m certainly not somebody who wants to spend an hour every morning following a complicated skincare routine.

What I wanted from my Kiehl’s appointment was simple.

To understand my skin better.

As I explained to the lovely skincare specialist, I wasn’t there because I wanted to look younger.

I was there because I wanted to take better care of myself.

After all, we pay attention to what we eat, how much we move, how well we sleep and how our bodies feel.

Why should our skin be any different?

The assessment looked at everything from hydration and skin texture to pigmentation, firmness and the condition of my skin barrier.

And the results were surprisingly encouraging.

My skin barrier scored 92 out of 100, firmness came in at 81, pigmentation at 91 and redness at an impressive 96.

These were scores generated by the skin assessment equipment, rather than medical measurements, but they provided a fascinating starting point for understanding my skin.

There was certainly plenty to celebrate.

The main area that needed a little more attention was hydration, something the specialist explained can become particularly noticeable as the seasons change.

But one of my favourite moments came when we started discussing wrinkles.

Why I’m Keeping My Laughter Lines

As we worked through the results, we came to the lines around my eyes and mouth.

My wrinkles had scored 70 out of 100.

And rather than immediately launching into a conversation about how to eliminate them, the specialist started talking about celebrating them.

Finally!

Somebody who understood exactly where I was coming from.

Because why are we so desperate to erase the evidence that we’ve smiled?

Why do we look at the lines around our eyes as imperfections rather than reminders of a life filled with expression?

I quite like my laughter lines.

They remind me of happy moments, funny conversations, adventures and all the times I’ve smiled so much that my cheeks have hurt.

Of course, I want my skin to be healthy.

I want it to feel hydrated, comfortable and cared for.

But I don’t need it to look like it did two decades ago.

And that was what I loved about the consultation.

It wasn’t about telling me everything that was wrong with my face.

It was about understanding what my skin needed.

The specialist explained that although my skin barrier was in good condition, my hydration levels could benefit from a little extra attention.

We also discussed the visible pores around my T-zone, something I’d noticed becoming more pronounced recently.

Apparently, my reliance on face wipes wasn’t quite doing the job I’d hoped!

The recommendation was to introduce a gentle cleanser that could help remove impurities without stripping away moisture, alongside a little more focus on hydration and consistent sun protection.

Nothing drastic.

Nothing complicated.

Just a few small changes that could help me care for the skin I already have.

And I left feeling genuinely excited about making them.

Not because I wanted to change my appearance, but because I understood my skin a little better.

There’s a huge difference between wanting to look younger and wanting to look after yourself.

And I think it’s about time we started recognising it.

Learning to Age With the Seasons

Something else that stayed with me from the consultation was the conversation about changing our skincare routines throughout the year.

The specialist explained that our skin’s needs can change with the weather, our environment and the natural changes happening within our bodies.

As we move into autumn and winter, for example, colder temperatures and indoor heating can contribute to dryness, meaning our skin may benefit from additional hydration.

It made me think about something I’ve been exploring more and more recently.

Our connection with nature.

Over the past few months, I’ve been spending more time outdoors, learning about plants, foraging and experimenting with making my own infused oils.

There’s something incredibly satisfying about slowing down and reconnecting with the natural world.

I’ve written previously about creating botanical-infused oils and the simple pleasure of making something with ingredients gathered from nature.

And while homemade oils aren’t a replacement for a balanced skincare routine or proper sun protection, the process itself has become another way of practising self-care.

Taking time.

Learning something new.

Appreciating what nature provides.

And perhaps there’s a lesson in all of this.

We celebrate the changing seasons around us.

We admire the vibrant colours of autumn leaves, the bare branches of winter trees and the fresh growth that arrives each spring.

We don’t look at an autumn tree and complain that it no longer resembles its summer self.

We understand that change is part of its beauty.

So why do we struggle to accept the same thing in ourselves?

Why do we expect our faces to remain unchanged when everything else in nature is constantly evolving?

Perhaps ageing isn’t something we need to resist.

Perhaps it’s simply another season to embrace.

Beauty Shouldn’t Have an Expiry Date

Of course, I completely understand that everyone has their own relationship with ageing.

Some women love skincare. Some enjoy makeup. Others choose cosmetic treatments, while some prefer to keep things completely natural.

And that’s absolutely fine.

I’m certainly not suggesting that women shouldn’t do whatever makes them feel confident and happy.

What I am questioning is why so many of those decisions are influenced by the pressure to remain young.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good.

But looking good shouldn’t automatically mean looking younger.

I want to see more women celebrated for their confidence, their individuality, their experiences and the lives they’ve lived.

I want to see beauty campaigns featuring real faces, with real texture, real expressions and real signs of ageing.

I want younger generations to grow up understanding that beauty doesn’t disappear when we reach a certain birthday.

And I want women my age and older to feel comfortable saying they like the way they look, without feeling the need to apologise for it.

Because ageing isn’t something we’ve failed to prevent.

It’s something we’re fortunate enough to experience.

Learning to Love the Face Looking Back at Me

I’ve thought about my conversation with Abraham several times since returning from London.

About the people he chooses to paint, the individuality he celebrates and the beauty he finds in faces of different ages.

I’ve also thought about my experience at Kiehl’s and how refreshing it was to approach skincare from a place of curiosity rather than insecurity.

Two completely different experiences.

One surrounded by colourful street art beneath the streets of London.

The other sitting in a skincare consultation, learning about hydration, skin barriers and the changing needs of my face.

Yet both left me thinking about exactly the same thing.

How we see beauty.

Because perhaps the problem isn’t our ageing faces at all.

Perhaps it’s the way we’ve been taught to look at them.

I don’t want to spend the next 20 years wishing I looked like I did 20 years ago.

I want to spend them living.

Exploring new places. Meeting interesting people. Learning new skills. Spending time in nature. Laughing with my children. Creating memories.

I want to feel strong, healthy and comfortable in my own skin.

And yes, I want to look after that skin along the way.

But when I look in the mirror, I want to recognise the woman looking back at me.

Every line.

Every expression.

Every chapter of her story.

Because I don’t want a younger face.

I want to keep loving the one I’ve got.

And I hope that, whatever age you are, you’ll learn to love yours too.

Discover More

Abraham.o1 — Street Artist

Discover the work of Abraham, whose beautiful portraits celebrate people, individuality and the beauty of the human face.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abraham.o1/

Kiehl’s — Personalised Skincare

Learn more about Kiehl’s skincare products and personalised skin consultations.

Website: https://www.kiehls.co.uk/