It’s Christmas! The season of goodwill, twinkling lights… and quietly simmering stress. For many of us, the “most wonderful time of the year” can also be the ‘’most stressful time of the year’’. Between family expectations, endless to-do lists, work parties, and supermarket car parks that feel like war zones, it’s easy to forget what the season is actually meant to be about.
I actually love Christmas…
… or on reflection, is it the thought of being able to give everyone the best Christmas? I already have the emergency online shopping slot booked, just in case I don’t have enough food. I have the Quality Street tin ready, and have actually bought a second one because it looked disappointingly small and rather Scrooge-like. I have organised ‘outings’ to Xmas carols, The Nutcracker, and the irreverent ‘adult’ panto. The festive tunes of Wham’s ‘Last Xmas’, Slade’s ‘It’s Xmas’, and Live Aid’s ‘Don’t They Know It’s XmasTime’ have become a ‘mash-up’ anthem living in my head. Being a ‘people pleaser’ by default, and now what I say to myself is a ‘people pleaser in recovery! I have to admit Christmas is when I have to remind myself to keep ‘the giving’ part of Christmas in proportion to the ‘gift of just being’. I wanted to share how I am going to take stock of the next part of Xmas and perhaps inspire you also to try to be more realistic about when to pull the reins in … reindeer ones of course!
So this year, let’s try to forget trying to mimic the Christmas perfect adverts, or striving to match the Instagram reels of colour-coordinated trees, and copying families in matching pyjamas. That’s not reality, that’s marketing. We are all susceptible. Last year I bought the family pyjamas, and a matching dog outfit, and guess what, the only ones that were wearing them were my sister’s dog! So perhaps a reality check on how to match enthusiasm with what makes Christmas Day special is a good call.
Let’s face it, ‘Real Christmas’ can be a bit messy.
Someone will burn the parsnips, leave a dish in the oven, and the dog will get in the way of any present giving. Inevitably, there is always one of the gang who starts the party too early and will fall asleep during the King’s speech. So when we drop the fantasy, we make room for the real spirit of Christmas, which is much warmer and more human. So this year, I want you to check your ‘Yes’ reflex. Undoubtedly, some of us will feel the pressure to ‘gift the perfect Xmas, saying yes to everything: cooking, hosting, shopping, remembering every single gift and stocking filler. Before you know it, you feel that you are running Santa’s logistics department, while everyone else is drinking the prosecco! So here’s a radical thought: You can say no. You can delegate. You can buy mince pies instead of baking them. You can do Secret Santa, and distribute the gift buying, which can work out more fun and less ‘wrapping’! You can even say, “Bring a dish’’ to help with the ‘load’ of being captured by the kitchen. No one will see this as ‘cheating’ Christmas, or that you have not made enough effort. Perhaps then you will be able to find a moment to share in the laughter and put your sparkly outfit on to mark the occasion.
Amidst all the Christmas chaos, traditions can be soothing reminders of childhood and Christmas pasts.
Traditions don’t have to be elaborate, and even if small, they remind us of who we are and who we love. They can provide an anchor and a depth of meaning of what it is to celebrate Christmas in your family. It might be a particular film you always watch, a walk on Christmas morning, or the family joke about who carves the turkey “properly can bring back the memories of absent loved ones and feel somewhat comforting. I have a pair of bright pink inflatable reindeer that have graced the space around the Christmas tree from my childhood. I look at the photos from Christmas past, and all the faces I miss are smiling, with these outrageous reindeer reminding us all of the joy that we shared. You can also create new traditions that reflect your life now. Maybe it’s inviting a friend who’d otherwise be alone, volunteering, or swapping the full roast for a relaxed buffet. Traditions aren’t the preserve of the past, but they’re about doing things with meaning, which we will add to our Christmas now and in the future.
To keep your sanity, have a plan to manage family dynamics, remembering the ‘less is more’ mantra! As much as it’s the season to gather loved ones to share the time, try to put some boundaries in place as to ‘how long is too long’. Probably, you are painfully aware that old tensions can resurface faster than you can say “Brussels sprouts.” Try to prepare emotionally, and don’t see yourself as the ‘peace maker’ but the peace taker – your own peace that is! Remind yourself that ‘family’ opinions are not personal challenges, and accept your elderly relative’s passive-aggressive “Oh, that’s an interesting way to make gravy” as just her way of saying trying to say ‘I used to do the hosting in my day’. Breathe, smile, change the subject, and have a brief moment of solitude when needed, even if it’s hiding in the loo with your phone.
So before Christmas Day descends, I would like you to, among all the noise, find moments that are yours. Go for a walk, listen to music, light a candle, watch something silly, or curl up in bed with a book instead of wrapping one more present. I have my go-to movies – Muppets Christmas Carol, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and Miracle on 34th Street. It is so important to remember the child in you and allow yourself that giggle or tear.
However, I want us all to be aware that Christmas is not always filled with joy. I want you to know that if, for you, this Christmas is feeling lonely, pressured, or overwhelming, remember — you’re not alone. Many people quietly dread aspects of the season. You’re allowed to have mixed feelings about it. If you need to have more space, then take it. If you need fewer people, then plan it. Sometimes Christmas can just mean we want to take the time to reflect and remember. Give yourself that gift of understanding and permission to do Christmas in the way that works best for you.
The heart of Christmas isn’t perfection; it’s connection with others and with yourself.
So, This Year… let go of “should.” Don’t chase perfection. Don’t measure your Christmas against someone else’s highlight reel. Find your version of joy, maybe it’s laughter over a chaotic dinner, maybe it’s a peaceful walk on Boxing Day, maybe it’s simply knowing you made it through with your sanity (and humour) intact.
Because Christmas, like life, is best enjoyed when we stop trying to make it flawless and start allowing it to be real.
