More and more women in midlife are being diagnosed — or at the very least, self-identifying — with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Not the bouncing-off-the-walls, ‘ants in your pants’ stereotype many of us grew up with, but the other kind: the distracted, overwhelmed, emotionally-up-and-down, quietly exhausted kind. The kind that looks a lot like being a woman trying to hold everything together.
So, Why Now?
In short: because we’ve been masking. For decades.
One client told me she was always the “organised one” — until her kids left home and the structure of school routines fell away. Suddenly, she couldn’t find her keys, her focus, or her patience. “I thought I was losing it,” she said. “Turns out, I was just out of coping mechanisms.”
Another said, “I’ve been called flaky, sensitive, intense — even selfish. But I was just overwhelmed, all the time.” She’d spent her life apologising, overcompensating, and writing endless lists that somehow never got ticked off. Sound familiar?
Then there’s menopause. Lovely menopause. Hormonal changes at this stage — particularly the drop in oestrogen, which affects the brain’s dopamine system — can turn up the volume on ADHD symptoms. Women who once managed to mask their struggles find the cracks widening. Things they used to juggle effortlessly now feel overwhelming. The brain fog isn’t just hormonal — it’s ADHD with the mask slipping off.
So, What Does ADHD Really Look Like?
It’s not just forgetting birthdays or misplacing your glasses (although yes, that too).
ADHD is:
- Emotionally reacting before you can stop yourself — then lying awake analysing it
- Starting ten projects and finishing none (but the Pinterest boards look great)
- Procrastinating on things that matter, then over-focusing on trivial details
- Feeling like you’re always running late — even in your own head
- Sensitivity to criticism, rejection, and a tendency to people-please
And yet, many of these same women are incredibly high-functioning. They’ve had careers, possibly raised children, cared for ageing parents — and they’ve done it all with a constant inner critic yelling at them that they should be doing better, faster, more efficiently.
Here’s the twist: ADHD in women doesn’t always look ‘disordered.’ Sometimes it just looks like burnout. And because so many women have spent their lives holding it all together, they never realise they were doing so with a hidden weight tied to their ankles.
But here’s the thing: it’s not all doom and distraction. There’s a surprising silver lining.
So, Let’s Talk ADHD Strengths
Women with ADHD are often incredibly creative, intuitive, empathetic, and passionate. When they’re interested in something, they can hyperfocus like nobody’s business. Many are brilliant in a crisis — just not so great at remembering where they left their tea.
One of my client’s called it her “super-sensitive brain.” Yes, it’s exhausting — but it’s also full of ideas, humour, and depth. Another told me, “Once I understood it, I stopped trying to be someone else. I started designing a life that works for me.”
That’s what getting a diagnosis — or simply gaining awareness — can do. It allows for self-compassion. You start to rewrite the story you’ve told yourself: that you’re lazy, careless, too much, not enough.
And when we remove the shame, we make space for change. You can begin to structure your life in ways that support your actual brain, not the one you think you ‘should’ have.
Whether that’s using a digital calendar, setting boundaries, taking medication, or simply giving yourself permission to rest — the changes can be subtle, but profound.
So, Do You Think You Have ADHD?
Maybe. Maybe not.
But if the question keeps bubbling up, you owe it to yourself to explore it. Talk to your GP. Speak to a therapist who understands neurodiversity. Listen to podcasts, read books, watch talks. Notice what resonates with you.
Not every distracted woman has ADHD — but many do. And they’ve lived too long without the language or support to understand why life has felt like swimming upstream.
And if you do get diagnosed? It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you finally have a map. And possibly a new appreciation for the person you’ve been all along — doing her best with very little help, and now ready to thrive with just a bit more understanding.
And finally, if you have read this article, and feel you just need to talk please feel free to email me at mary@morethantherapyclinic.com and I will be happy to help you explore your question of ‘’Do you think I have ADHD?’’.
