What I Wish I’d Known About Perimenopause in My Thirties
By Jo Fiddy · · 6 min read
Five things no one told me and the tools that have changed everything
Over ten years ago I was told I was in Menopause, I was in my thirties, running on adrenaline, gaining weight, doing 5am spin classes and burning out.
Back then, I was told Menopause was permanent. Several years later, I came out of menopause, and now I am going through it again, and this time with tools and hindsight, and I’m playing it differently.
I know things now that I wish someone had told me back then. Menopause is not the end. It is the beginning of a powerful pivot. It is absolutely time that we press play on the lives we actually want and start Menoplaying™.
1. Keep an eye on your Cortisol
When I was gaining weight, I thought my 5 am spin class and cutting calories would help. What I didn’t understand was that cortisol, which is our primary stress hormone, is already elevated in perimenopause as oestrogen begins to fluctuate. Research from the Seattle Midlife Women’s Health Study confirms that cortisol levels rise dramatically from early to late perimenopause, tightly linked to symptom severity. When you layer relentless high-intensity training and chronic stress on top of that, you are pouring fuel on an already burning fire.
Chronically elevated cortisol impacts memory function, disrupts your prefrontal cortex, the CEO part of your brain responsible for decision-making and rational thought, and is directly linked to weight gain, particularly around the mid-section. It increases ghrelin (your hunger hormone), drives insulin release, and stores fat. It also suppresses oestrogen further, creating a cycle that’s really hard to break if you don’t know what’s happening.
What helped me? Dialling down the routines I used to use and supporting the body I am. This included finding a stress regulation tool that actually worked for my body and brain. For me, that was EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) tapping and being in nature. Clinical research shows tapping can reduce cortisol levels by up to 43%. Find what works for you from breathwork, yoga, journalling or walking.
What matters is that you find the thing that works for you and create space for yourself to do it.
2. Your Beliefs About Yourself Are Getting in the Way
Here is the thing nobody talks about. The beliefs we carry about ourselves, about our worth, our capability, our body, our age =don’t just live in our heads. They live in our nervous system. Perimenopause has a way of surfacing every old belief you’ve been quietly running in the background for years.
The belief that you have to push through life is all downhill. They are patterns, and patterns can be changed.
I work with what I call the Belief Soundtrack™: the idea that your beliefs form the soundtrack to your life, and if you can’t find your rhythm in midlife, there is most likely a belief out of tune. Stress-induced menopausal shutdown taught me that no amount of pushing will fix a nervous system that needs rest and reprogramming. The work of perimenopause is not just physical. It is deeply, powerfully internal and an invitation to heal and step into your next chapter with confidence.
3. How You Take Care of Yourself Now Reshapes Your Future
Perimenopause is not a waiting room to sit out your life. It is a window of opportunity, and what you do now reshapes your future and your health in your 80s and 90s. The research is unambiguous on this. The habits we build in perimenopause influence our cardiovascular health, our cognitive function, our bone density, our metabolic health, and our quality of life long-term.
I spent my thirties being the last thing on my own to-do list. I put everything and everyone first and treated self-care as an eye roll, who actually has time for that!
What I know now is that perimenopause is a wake-up call to dial up the self-care and self-love radio, not because it is indulgent, but because science shows that managing stress, prioritising sleep, and nourishing your body are more critical in perimenopause than at any other stage of life.
This is not the time to shrink. This is the time to invest in yourself more deliberately than you ever have.
4. Strength Training Is Not Optional. It’s Essential
Your body changes in perimenopause in ways that go well beyond what you can physically see. Declining oestrogen accelerates muscle loss and drives a significant decline in bone density. Research shows women can lose up to 10% of their bone mass around menopause and the decade following. It is a long-term health issue that will affect your strength, your balance, your risk of osteoporosis, and your independence as you age. Now, knowledge is power, my loves.
Resistance training and strength work are consistently shown to be the most effective tools for preserving both muscle and bone. They also support metabolism, improve insulin sensitivity and have a powerful impact on mood and cognitive function through the release of BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor), which nourishes the brain.
You do not need to lift heavy from day one. Two to three sessions a week of bodyweight work, resistance bands, or weights is a solid starting point. Walk, swim, cycle, but make strength your foundation. Your future self will thank you for it.
5. Alcohol Hits Differently in Perimenopause. Here’s Why
This is the conversation I wish more women were having. In perimenopause, your relationship with alcohol changes whether you want it to or not. The key reason is a decline in alcohol dehydrogenase, the enzyme responsible for breaking down alcohol in the body. As oestrogen drops, this enzyme becomes less effective, meaning alcohol stays in your bloodstream longer and hits harder. Many women notice their tolerance drops noticeably: two glasses feeling like three, mornings feeling rougher than they should.
A 2025 study published in the Women’s Health journal found that perimenopausal women reported the highest levels of menopause symptoms, the lowest wellbeing scores, and the highest rates of drinking to cope compared to pre- or post-menopausal women. A separate study by Newson Health found that one in three women reported drinking more alcohol during perimenopause, with 70% citing anxiety, stress, and depression as the reason. We reach for wine to take the edge off. But alcohol disrupts the very hormonal processes we need to feel better, worsening sleep quality, increasing hot flushes, raising cortisol the following day, and interfering with oestrogen metabolism.
This is not about abstinence or judgment. It is about awareness. If you’ve noticed alcohol affecting you differently, deeper fatigue, worse sleep, more anxiety the next day, more frequent hot flushes- that is not your imagination. That is your perimenopausal body telling you something important.
