It’s amazing how many see me as a confident woman, and don’t appreciate the work that takes. I was recently involved in a festival of over 3000 people. I helped the Secret Island Festival get ready and was tasked with painting the huge sign. It didn’t stand out in white against the stunning evening sun and I suggested we paint it to represent the sea and sky – “Great idea, Mandie, you’ve got yourself a job.”
Now, I’m no artist but I do enjoy a dabble on a Sunday afternoon. However, I certainly wouldn’t want 3000 people see my paintings! So, as I stood there with that stunning Mersea Island, Essex backdrop I found myself feeling fluttery and nervous. The festival ground is huge, so no one was near to offer feedback, I had to just suck it up and do my best.
Later after painting 20 giant wooden letters, I walked back to the office and was greeted with “Great job”. It was so easy for me to revert to Mandie of 30 years ago and think “Oh, they are just being nice, they hate it really.” I nearly offered to go back down the field to just paint it plain blue!
However, that moment of nervousness is nothing compared to the Shy Mandie who couldn’t go to university. It took nearly dying of a mental health illness for me to find my voice, my confidence and love of self.
Having coached thousands of women to excel and overcome their lack of self-belief and confidence, it’s heartbreaking to know that we are failing female students at astronomical levels and it’s not until midlife that many women gain true confidence.
The Girl Guides published a study into girls’ confidence and discovered that while at the age of 10 girls’ confidence levels match boys, by the teen years this deteriorates with many women sayings it’s not until in their 30’s or even 50’s that their confidence is back!
Here I share 6 ways to boost confidence and shine at any age
The six key areas we assist female graduate to excel in
Personal Power
I recently launched a sister company to my business growth and networking community aimed at under 25-year-old female graduates because the statistics stack up poorly. Read more here. One issues that faces women is their lack of acceptance and ownership of their personal power. What I mean by this is knowing, loving and appreciating how unique you are and living and working to honour that.
When you practice a constant desire to improve emotional intelligence you are more resilient, more adaptable (without bending to everyone’s whim) and capable of rising to any challenge. Instead of trying to copy everyone else, look to understand the science of being you. It’s the first step we take at HERA, and I take with clients to help them to excel. Understand your favourite way to take on board information and learn.
It’s important to remember that if your confidence levels go up and down, they are dominated by external factors. Learn who you are and what you stand for and you can stay a constant level of confident, no matter what. As Physical Therapist Alex Woolf beautifully put it:
“Embrace who you are. As you are. You right here right now are what you are meant to be.” https://alexwoolf.info/blog/
Michelle Shavdia added “I’d say this year (40!) I’d tell my 22-year-old self that it gets easier, you will get through this, and everything will make sense in the end, so don’t give up, keep persevering! Find Your Spark
It’s important to remember that confidence and self-worth come before the proof and many wait to feel adequate, capable and good enough until they’ve had the proof that they can do it. That’s what starting a business is like, you need to have the faith and self-worth before you go for it. It’s just as true when you walk into the boss’s office and ask for a pay rise. So, know yourself!
Communication
It’s amazing how many women see assertive and strong as bossy and overbearing. Great communication doesn’t require you to be mean to another or to be confrontational. I teach women how to get what they want without altering their personality. Communication is key to excelling in life and overcome any obstacle.
And that’s not just the spoken word, that’s your digital presence too. Ask yourself what image do you present wherever you go?
Are you easy to sway to others’ whims?
Are you capable of expressing views in opposition to others without feeling vulnerable or inadequate?
Consider how you want the world to see you?
Powerful? Kind? Innovative? Successful? Wise? Strong? Creative? Knowledgeable?
If you don’t write the story of who you are, then the world will be quick to label you. Choose your labels wisely.
“If you don’t write the story of who you are, then the world will be quick to label you. Choose your labels wisely.” Mandie Holgate
Support and mentoring
You can’t fix what you don’t know and, in our ambition, to be strong independent women, we can often mix the 2 up – confusing asking for help with appearing weak. Find the right tribe of people and you will find yourself challenged, loved unconditionally, and supported.
Mentoring is a great way of giving back and learning more about ourselves and a great way to find out answers you never knew you needed! It’s why I still rely on my network The INsiders after 15 years because I don’t want my bubble of influence to ever get stale. Top UK artist Charlie Kirkham said,
“I would say to keep finding out what you don’t want to do until you hit on that thing that drives you to succeed even when it’s tough.” Charlie Kirkham.
It takes confidence to say “I don’t know the answer” so build your confidence alongside seeking out the right sphere of influence.
Personal branding
This is not just for the business owner or celebrity. We should be teaching the next generation that every image, every post, every share builds a picture of who you are. If you go back to communication and consider how you want to be perceived what are you doing to ensure that’s who the world sees?
Likewise consider whose content you share. What do your choice of music, media, media say about you?
The days of needing to fit in are over. We are in a volatile world with a level of fakery that’s getting harder and harder to spot. So, make it easier for your network and friends to know the real you. Own it.
You love K-pop or bake off? Then own it.
You love wild swimming or colouring in? Own it!
There’s over 5 billion people online – so if you look like everyone else, how will you be memorable? In work, business or even the local PTA, you want to be remembered for what matters to you and what moulds your life.
Businesswoman Stephanie Blythe from Cakeworx said:
“It’s ok to make mistakes as we learn from them. I’ve stopped trying to be perfect. Now people have to accept me warts and all.” Warts and all means owning who you are. They aren’t warts they’re beauty marks!
Practical support
Insider, Julia Wingfield summed this up: “There’s no one life lesson or motto… life is a continued learning experience for me.”
And I totally agree. I don’t cut my own hair or do my own taxes. Learn to know what you are good at and learn to know when to get the experts in. We all need help and relying on Google is dangerous, just as trusting your social media world – I’ve seen illegal inappropriate and outdated advice shared, that made the situation worse. Seek the true experts to support you.
Goal achieving
When I wrote Fight the fear, I found many were frightened to set goals for fear of failing. Elysium author Soulla Christodoulou shared
“I would say that “perfect” doesn’t exist whether it be your body, your work, relationships, friendships and your life. The nearest to being perfect is when you are happy with yourself; what you’re doing, feeling and thinking.”
And this is key. Learning to go for what you want and having faith in yourself and your ability to achieve it.
If we don’t have a concise view of self and what we can achieve we can easily be swayed and rocked away from our ambitions. Learning what makes you achieve is critical. In 20 years of coaching, I’ve learnt that you don’t need big actions to get to your goals, you need small consistent ones.
When I help new HERA members understand what is missing and stopping them from getting into their chosen careers, it can be overwhelming to consider everything a woman needs to excel in life (and business). So keep it simple. 20 minutes consistently over the next month will have more impact than half days of motivation followed by months of inaction.
And if you feel your motivation sliding go back to your practical support and mentoring community. I know if I was to say I was flagging INsiders would motivate me in minutes! Who can do that for you?
“And remember you aren’t a piece of art, you are a work in progress, revisit these 6 core areas often and you will always love being you.” Mandie Holgate
